The Mystery of Worshiph

"Worship is to feel in the heart and express in an appropriate manner a humbling but delightful sense of admiring awe. Worship humbles you. The proud man can't worship God any more than the proud devil can worship God. There must be humility in the heart before there can be worship. If it isn't mysterious there can be no worship. If God can be understood by me than I cannot worship God."

The above excerpt comes from a sermon by A.W. Tozer and belongs to a compilation of similar thoughts found in Tozer on Worship and Entertainment.

Last week, on Thursday (April 2, 2009), I felt God breaking me in Chapel. It was a pleasantly painful experience. I don't really know how to describe it. I felt broken. It hurt. But it felt good too. The brokeness was more internal than anything else. And I can't describe that either. I was just awestruck by the fact (literal fact) that God loves me. Yes, that's right, He loves me. Intellectually we all know that. I mean we are all on the verge of being theologians in our knowledge of God's love. But I dare say we don't really know it until we fully experience it. This experience is not a mystical thing. But it is a tangible thing. I felt (yes, felt) God loving me. Though the brokeness was, as I said, primarily internal it was also external. That was a little embarrassing, but, quite frankly, I didn't care too much. Just as I was broken down inside, so I broke down on the outside. My face was soaked in tears, my heart was soaked in praise. It was a beautiful experience.

This will sound weird but I never felt so humble as at that moment. I, terrible sinner that I am, was loved of God. I was loved in a past tense, as in before I was even born. But I was also loved in the sense of that day, even with my sin, He still loved me. That was a moment of worship for me. It was a moment of humility. I felt unworthy. But the strange thing is that the whole message was about how God had made me worthy. That's right. His love cancels all of Satan's accusations and makes me worthy before Him. So, yes, I did feel worthy and grateful for it. While at the same time I felt unworthy. Not due to my sin, which is the reason why I usually feel unworthy. No, this unworthiness was a purer sense of unworthiness. The kind which kneels before Christ though feeling unworthy of even unlatching His sandal strappings. In my heart I was kneeling before God and, at His feet, offering Him praise and thanks for His love. Yet there was also mystery. Incomprehension as to why He would love me.

Later, walking away from Chapel, a friend of mine commented that it was so difficult to understand or to grasp the grace of God. It's true. It's a mystery. And I think that's the way it should be.

Tozer also wrote, "There is an astonishment about reverence. If you can explain it, you cannot worship it. You may admire it, you may honor it, but there is a mysterious fascination that carries the heart beyond itself and then we are nearer to worship."

I thank God for humbling me. I thank God for being a mystery. I thank God for loving me. I thank God for breaking me.