Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here – on the river, on the sails of ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the winds, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever been acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made are not more real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be.
Estella, to the last hour of my life you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But in the separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always for you must have done far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you. – Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
Dickens has captured it well. Better, certainly, than I ever could have. She became, though unaware of it herself, a part of me. That part has been now, and must be, torn out. A separation was made and now sharp distress has stepped in to take her place. But, no, nothing will ever take her place. I will hold onto the good she caused in me. I will pray that "God bless her" and if there be need of forgiveness then I will pray for that too.
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