The 4 Thoughts of Life

Every day I think about 4 people in my life.

I think about God. He is constantly interrupting my thoughts. He is the One who interferes with such grace in all of my silly musings and philosophizings.

I think about "the stranger." He is the one who haunts me with such terror and reminds me of my past and the pain it produced.

I think about "her." She is the one that sweetens my life and adds a touch of rationality to all my deliriums and romantic drivel. She is the one that strengthens me.

I think about "my self." I am the one that corrupts all the blessed interferences God sends my way. I am the one that cowers under the ghostly guilt of pain inflicted. I am the one that ruins every thought of her with stupid selfishness.

Often I pray to forget the stranger. Let me not think any longer about the stranger. He is dead to me. He is past and the past has passed. Sometimes I pray to erradicate my self. Let me not dwell on my selfishness. I must die to self and be crucified with Christ. But I don't often or occasionally pray to forget her. Perhaps I should. I don't know. I enjoy entertaining thoughts about her. They are pure thoughts and often I feel as if they have Your own hand sheltering them. Almost as if You drew those thoughts from the very wellspring of my own heart and there guide them back to Yourself. But since she doesn't share such impressions I wonder if I am the one that is fantasizing. What I want to say is that my thoughts must be directed to only one person - God. Everyone else must take a back-seat.