The Enter and Exit of God

...I want a god who is like a door that opens out, not in,

but God is like a revolving door, which turns, turns on its hinges

in and out, whirling arid turning

without a beginning, without an end.

These lines come from Yehud Amichai, poet laureate of Israel. They are taken from his book titled Open Closed Open. It would seem we too often prefer an "exit" God. We don't want an "enter" God - that is just too much intrusion. We would rather He work in others. Or in the circumstances around us. Because of my recent relationship complications I am full aware of how true this is. God is, according to my agenda, supposed to work on her. He is supposed to woo her over. Convince her that I am the right guy for her and not this other guy, my rival. He is supposed to work everything out in these circumstances and make me come out the winner. His plan has to conform to my plans. That's really the only way for His plans to truly be "best."

Of course, none of that is true. Yes, I want God to work in her. I also want Him to work in my rival. But I must want Him to work in me. This must be, above all else, my heart's desire. I want God to work in me. I want Him to clear out the cobwebs of my own heart. I want Him to have full rights to the property which I claimed alone. She is His. My heart is His. I want Him to fix it out in me. Not in others. I'm the problem. It's not her fault, and it certainly isn't my rival's fault. I alone stand to blame. Therefore instead of a God who serves as a door to go out (an exit) I want a God who will come in (an enter). I want Him to come in to fix me, but also to comfort me. Only He knows how much it hurts me at times. Just today I saw them walk together in the fading daylight. It hurt. I need Him to come in and comfort me. Perhaps I should unlock the doors and let Him in.