My First Setback

Okay, confession time. Last night I wrapped up my homework, tidied my room a bit and then, feeling rather tired, I snuck into bed. Once in bed I looked across my room at my desk and then remembered I'd not done my devos.

Part of me felt an urge to get up and just write something down real quick. That was the duty, honour, responsibility part of me. The other part of me felt something else. The second part felt the urge to just lay in bed and let sleep catch up on me. That was the lazy part of me.

As you can see by last night's post, or rather the absence thereof, the lazy part won out. I'm not proud of it, neither am I horribly disappointed. Perhaps I should be a little more disappointed, but I'm not. God doesn't judge me according to how often I read His Word. In fact, I don't think He judges me at all. The Bible actually promises that there is no longer any condemnation for me. He loves me no matter what.

But I did feel a trifle bad for not keeping up with my discipline and for letting laziness take control of my situation. Was it a sin? I don't know. I don't think it was a sin to not read my Bible. I do think laziness is a sin, so maybe that was a sin of mine.

Still, there's no going back and patching it up. I can't make up for lost time. If it was a sin, God forgives me. If it wasn't, then I'm all set. Either way He won't beat me up over it, and neither should I. Too often the devil makes us fall into the trap of undermining our own spiritual progress by comparison. I can compare myself to this holy person who read the Word every day and was borderline perfect. The victorious and great giants of the faith always seemed to be immersed in the Scriptures and knowledgeable of them. To reach that level, imitate them. I think the one we are supposed to imitate is the One who saved our souls. Not man.

Nevertheless I think I am approaching this with unfair expectations. I had devos two days straight and yet I still sinned. I can't help it. Jesus can, He promised to help me in everything. But in and of myself, I can't help it. The problem is I don't really want to either. I want the easy way out, a short-cut, if you will. That short-cut might be just reading a little bit of Bible every day and signing off on my time-with-God checklist. I think that not sinning has to do with "hiding" His Word in our hearts. Not just ritualizing a verse here and there and expecting a miracle cure. But then again, I'm still processing. Still learning.