Devotional Dilemma

I realize I've failed with my devotions these past few days. Three days straight without doing them. It's not due to senility, I've not just forgotten about them. No, I've actually just not done them. Maybe because I was in bed and didn't want to get out or maybe I just didn't really feel like it. Is that so terrible? After all, do I lose crowns by not doing my devotions? No, of course not, but, one might say, you do lose communion. I suppose that person might be equating a spiritual discipline with fellowship or communion with Christ. If devotions were about spending time with Christ in genuine devotion (not as a discipline) then I'd say they were right. Unfortunately all too often devotions are not about devotion or love but only about fulfilling a discipline. Here at my Bible College one of my profs recently confessed that he'd stopped doing devotions over 9 months ago. He explained that he just couldn't live having God "in a box" any longer. I'll be honest, I feel that way too. Part of me just wants to give it up, another part of me is too terrified of breaking the mold and then maybe being in the wrong by not doing devotions. But I don't think there is a "being in the wrong." If God is genuinely concerned about the heart attitude of things, which I think He is (after all, He said that there is plenty of lip service but not enough heart service), then I should be okay. My heart is not in my devotions any more, my heart is in a struggle even to love God. This has been a problem with me for years now. I just really dislike the idea of "doing devotions." God is not a task-oriented God. Well, I mean He might be, I don't know. But I do know that His priority is not in tasks but in relationships. That is why the Bible tells of meditating, studying, enjoying, and cherishing the Word. It never really tells us to read a verse or a chapter or a book or any amount every day. That's the other thing, every day! When I miss a day or two or more I feel bad. Guilt sweeps up on me and I know that is not the point of devotions and I know it is not God's purpose. Guilt is always a devil thing. But then if I do my devotions I am never really sure what I'm supposed to do. It's related, again, to how much I'm supposed to read. One reads a verse and walks away utterly satisfied, while another reads a chapter or a longer passage and also walks away satisfied. I read a verse, a chapter, or a passage and walk away sometimes still the same. Am I supposed to leave feeling encouraged? If so that is an experiential thing and that is not what being a Christian is about. It's not all about feelings. Feelings can be involved but they are not predominate. So what of facts? It's not really about facts either, at least not entirely. So there go both passion and intellect. Now what? I can learn something new, or I can be completely confused. I can feel good, or the same (or worse). I can...I don't know but I can do it. And maybe that's the problem. I can do it. But because it's me, because I can, it's not genuine. It's not about God. It's not about us. And God is so much bigger than the box we try to keep Him in, you know, that box we call devotions and applications and interpretations and who knows what else! So part of me wants to try out the old fashioned method of just going to Him or into Him when I feel like it or when I need to or when I have to or whenever. But another is telling me I need to keep to the structure. That I can't upset the balance (as if it were a circle of life or something). This other side is telling me that I have to do this and mainly because if I don't do what little I can do to put my own effort into this whole spiritual living thing then I might end up not doing anything at all. I wish I had some revival inside of me. Something that would make me genuinely enjoy the discipline of devotions. Or something that would make me quit them but still maintain a passion for being with Him and in Him and in His Word. Help...