Devotional Accountability

Okay. Here's the problem. I hate accountability. I absolutely hate it. I don't like people getting involved in my life. I hate the tough questions. Why? I don't really know. Maybe because the answers have to be true, and if they are true they are embarrassing. Embarrassing to my own sense of pride or self-worth. You see, in accountability cases I always have to be honest about my flaws and of my struggles. They are usually things I know (or think) I can overcome. They are things in which I have a teeter-totter of hope that usually ends up leaving me defrauded. Because of that I have learned to hate accountability. There might be other reasons, but that's the most important one. The fact that I have been betrayed by past accountability partners hasn't helped, but the real problem is that I am too afraid of opening up. I'll be the first to acknowledge that this is not a healthy attitude. To remedy the situation I've decided to undertake a new challenge - online devotions. I am about to begin blogging my devotions on this same site. I don't know if it will work or how well it will work, but I'll give it a try anyways. Let's see what happens. As a writer, as amateur as I might be, I have an easier time opening up on paper. It might not come out well, but at least it comes out. By no means do I claim to have a "gift" for writing, this is really only a preference for writing. It is also a preference over "real" accountability, the face-to-face kind. So from here on out I am about to record my devotions. The purpose of this blog was originally to tell about my spiritual thoughts (or interferences). I took a few months off to seek after God in a new way. It was a serious search, an honest search. Many times I found Him in music or in literature or in other venues and would then write down my own thoughts about the matter. Now I realize that the greatest source for more of God is in His own word. Duh! Think about it, His word is His very own self-revelation. It shouldn't get much easier than that. At the same time, my devotional life has been much like my blog life, a roller-coaster. Yup. A spiritual roller-coaster and an online roller-coaster, or a writing roller-coaster. I suppose my life is like that in nearly all disciplines. I mean I don't think twice about brushing my teeth every morning. It's just the force of habit for me now. But my devotions have not yet become a habit, and I'm not sure that I really want them to, but I do want them to be more consistent. So on this blog I will now record my nightly (or daily) devotions. I may continue to post other things, in fact I more than likely will continue to post other things. But my new focus is now devotional maintenance. For you as the reader some of my devos maybe beneficial , some may be controversial (and I welcome the challenge), but in the long run what I expect from you as my reader is that you help keep me accountable. Be prepared, I may fail. In fact, I more than likely will. Here and there I might miss a day (or more than a day), but hopefully I will keep coming back. Of course this isn't going to last a lifetime, so at some point I will simply shut it down and, hopefully, keep on doing devos on my own. Until then, here goes.