Homesick about Heaven

Today has been a day ridden with severe pangs of homesickness. When I checked my mailbox I found I'd received a package from my sister. Among all the things in it there was a calendar with photos of Uruguay. This was probably the sharpest blow, but others added to it. A friend of mine from the Dominican Republic had a wedding (on the beach) and the photos for it on Facebook were incredible. These were the most evident reasons for my homesick but there were other one's as well, just that those other one's are more difficult to pinpoint. The problem for me and whenever I feel homesick is that I don't quite know what it means. I mean, I don't know what to do about it, but neither do I really know what it means. Songs such as "I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond bring up the line "But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores." Or else the song "New York's Not My Home" by Jim Croce with the lines "That's the reason why I gotta get outta here, I'm so alone, that's the reason why I gotta get outta here, 'cause New York's not my home." So where is home? It's not New York, of course. It goes beyond that. Does it go to defining what culture I'd like to adopt? Or, perhaps more importantly, which culture would adopt me? After all, I am the one who feels lost between two shores, unsure of which one even wants me. It's not just a matter of which one I want, it's a matter of which one wants me. Neither of them make me feel completely welcomed or accepted. So, I'm now trapped between North and South America. If I lean towards North America I can choose from a variety of states, and if South America than I have to choose which country I want to belong to in the end. Perhaps I ought to go even further. It's not about New York, and it's not about whether I choose North or South America. The real issue is that I am not home, not yet at least. To throw in another song I might sing "Homeward Bound" by Simon & Garfunkel, because that is precisely the way I feel right now. I feel as if I was "homeward bound" and that the delay has just been way too long. I am speaking, of course, about Heaven. In my mind, Heaven is home. The implications of that are drastic, so drastic in fact that I don't even really want to think of them. To long for Heaven means abandoning everything on Earth. That is a difficult thing to ask of me because there is so much here that I genuinely love and long for, in the sense of ambitions and what not. But at the same time, as already noted, I don't feel at home and the grief that it sometimes causes me to be so trapped, to feel so "caught between two shores" is awful. That is why I am homesick, because I'm not home yet and I wonder sometimes if I ever will be.